10 Minions
Those
peripatetic, google-eyed miscreants were one of the best things about the Despicable
Mepictures. In Minions, they’re more like annoying toddlers desperate for
our attention. Calgon, take me away.
9 Burnt
In the beginning, Burnt seemed
like a recipe for success: Bradley Cooper simmers as a reformed bad boy chef
amid sumptuous shots of food, sharp London scenery and appealing supporting
players like Alicia Vikander and Emma Thompson. But the film, which reportedly
underwent cuts and cast changes, has so many ingredients that it ends up
feeling undercooked: It’s a high-stakes culinary competition, a character study
of a tortured genius, a journey through addiction, a workplace dramedy and a
love story—all of which fail to raise the stakes for what’s ultimately a tale
of redemption. You’ve probably felt more invested in a midseason episode of
MasterChef
Junior.
Junior.
8 A Walk in
the Woods
A Walk in the Woods
could have been an exploration of one man’s interior life through his reckoning
with external challenges. It could have done for the existential crisis of
aging what Wild did for grief or whatInto the Wild did
for ascetic wilderness living. Instead, it unfolds like a series of fuddy-duddy
gags—trying to escape a maddeningly chatty fellow hiker or facing off with a
hungry bear—played for cheap chuckles with no emotional payoff. The Appalachian
Trail has never seemed longer.
7 Hot Pursuit
It’s surprising that
a buddy comedy featuring two of Hollywood’s funniest ladies—Modern Family’s
Sofia Vergara and the film’s producer, Reese Witherspoon, who hasn’t flexed her
comedy muscles often since Electionand Legally Blonde—could
be so un-funny. The odd couple duo of uptight Witherspoon and wild Vergara
falls flat. The gags are lazy—Witherspoon is short, Vergara has an accent—and
the result is surprisingly chauvinist.
6 Vacation
National Lampoon’s
Vacation,
released in 1983, at least offered the occasional shot of big, stupid energy.
This year’sVacation—in which Ed Helms plays Rusty Griswold, Anthony
Michael Hall’s character in the original, all grown up—offers something much
worse: Halfhearted stupidity. Strangely misplaced homoerotic humor, a lame
girls-gone-wild sorority keg party—Vacation has it all. Just
staying at home never looked so good.
5 Stonewall
Roland Emmerich took
a break from the action fare that’s been his bread and butter to tell the story
of the uprising that gave rise to the modern gay movement. It was a worthy
goal, but Emmerich’s film minimized the contributions of real people of color
in order to depict a fantasy white farmboy who crashes the party and
immediately becomes the instigator of the riots. Too revealing of its creator’s
own quirks, perhaps, to truly wound, Stonewall was still
offensive, juvenile, and at times, just plain silly.
4 The Age of
Adaline
Blake Lively’s
long-awaited return to the screen after a three-year absence was probably too
conceptual to work—her character, a woman doomed never to age, was living the
sort of surreal sci-fi premise that’s hard to sustain at full length. But
Lively herself didn’t help matters by playing the role of a woman suffering
through an incomprehensible curse as though her motivation was “I’m a little
stressed out!”
3 Jupiter
Ascending
The Wachowski
siblings’ commitment to telling original stories at a grand scale is admirable.
Unfortunately, this time, they got perhaps a little too grand, and certainly
far too original. This story of a cleaning lady who is genetically predestined
to become queen of the universe has everything: Channing Tatum as a genetically
spliced dog-man, the most elaborately overdone costuming since the heyday of
Queen Amidala, Eddie Redmayne giving the sort of manic performance we’ve come
to expect from a late-in-life Pacino. It’s overstuffed fun, but the lack of
coherence, character development, or common sense make it a bit of an endurance
test, too.
2 Aloha
Cameron Crowe let his
ambition get the best of him with Aloha. The film starring Bradley
Cooper, Emma Stone and Bill Murray feels more like several movies—a predictable
rom-com, a meditation on the Space Age and, as with all Crowe films, a case for
unabashed sincerity—haphazardly cut into one confusing story. Oh, and casting
Emma Stone as a character who is a quarter Asian didn’t exactly help.
1 Fantastic
Four
Just when it seemed
like comic book films were unstoppable,Fantastic Four proved that
even high-flying superheroes can be brought down to earth. Despite a promising
cast of up-and-comers like Michael B. Jordan, Miles Teller and Kate Mara,
director Josh Trank’s film trotted out a dull origin story with laughable
special effects (poor Jamie Bell is forced to serve out three-quarters of the
movie as a heap of rocks that look like they were designed on a 1998 iMac) and
absolutely no wit.
No comments:
Post a Comment